It's always interesting to think about if two people got together and had a baby, what would that child grow up to become? For instance, Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, both exceptional professional tennis players, got married and have two children. One has to think with such incredible genes from their parents the children are going to grow up to be unbelievable athletes. With this kind of thinking in mind, what would happen if colleges could get married and have children? Well, here is a list of just some of the ridiculous things that may occur.

What if The University of Michigan married Ohio State University?
The result: Prince
Reasoning: The University of Michigan and Ohio State University have had a bitter rivalry with one another since the beginning of the 20th century. With this much disdain and hate for the other school, if the schools were to come together and form a child, the child would obviously be extremely confused with their existence. This is why Prince is the perfect result. If Prince has been anything to the world, he has been confusing. Changing his name, image, and um, symbol, many times in his career. I don't think anyone has really understood this guy, and I know that nobody would really understand the union of The University of Michigan and Ohio State University. It defies all logic!
Runners Up: Barack OBama
A Centaur

What if Yale married Harvard?
The result: Ted Kaczynski
Reasoning: Yale and Harvard are consistently the finest educational institutions in the United States and have groomed Presidents, Senators, Statesmen and successful business people. With all of these splendid accolades its far easier to see the screw-ups and the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, was just that. He was too smart for his own good. He graduated from Harvard in 1962 and became an assistant professor at Berkeley in 1967. He was a master in geometric function theory, but he also loved sending people bombs in the mail. A little too much intelligence was not the answer for this guy.
Runners up: John Nash
Stephen Hawking

What if the University of California - Berekely married the University of Colorado - Boulder?
The result: Ralph Nader
Reasoning: Berekely and Colorado are two of the most "liberal" campuses in the country. On these campuses, remnants of the 60's still live on with a atmosphere of drug culture. Ralph Nader happens to be the Presidential candidate for the Green Party. Their platform has consistently been structured towards furthering the environment, decentralizing government, and establishing local autonomy. Both Berekely and Colorado are staples of a grassroots type of culture and who better embodies this ideal than Ralph Nader.
Runners Up: Bob Marley
Jerry Garcia

What if the University of Texas married Florida State University?
The result: Jenna Jameson
Reasoning: The University of Texas and Florida State University are, based on many Harvard and Yale studies (which I don't have cited here, but am sure they exist), home to the most beautiful girls in this great land. There is some sort of magnetic field that surrounds these institutions of higher learning that just make hot girls gravitate to them. At the same time, these schools are both excellent places to learn and be educated, and who better to pick than Jenna Jameson. Jameson has revolutionized the adult pornography industry and has become a real superstar in the field. She has used her fantastic body and business savvy to create an empire.
Runner Ups: Maria Sharapova
Anna Kournikova

What if the University of Illinois married the University of Idaho?
The result: Mr. Potato Head
Reasoning: Idaho is the home of Potatoes. This is what the state does. It produces potatoes in mass quantities so that the rest of the country can benefit. The University of Illinois has an excellent college of agricultural, consumer and environmental sciences program. Illinois is also know for its corn. Together, these two mighty agricultural forces will create the ultimate agricultural need: Mr. Potato Head.
Runners Up:
A Potato
A Corn Husk

What if the University of Las Vegas - Nevada married Arizona State University?
The result: Mel Gibson
Reasoning: UNLV is home to the quickest growing area of the country called Las Vegas. Vegas is home to a number of casinos, which means that there is a lot of gambling that goes on in this area. Gambling is highly addictive and has a bad reputation in certain social circles and is typically looked down upon. Arizona State is home to the number one party school based on Playboy. This means that there is a lot of drinking, drugs, and good old fashioned debauchery. This mix makes sense for Mel Gibson, especially after his drunk, anti-semitic comments that he has made in the past.
Runner Up: Britney Spears

This post was originally written by Tyrone Schiff
University of Michigan · Organizational Studies · 10 Aug 2007