It's Sunday before MLK Day. My friends all went out to party. I stayed in. I worked on Calc. I didn't really need to do Calc tonight. I mean, it's due in 28 hours and Monday is free for me. Why did I do it?

Well, because I am nearly incapable of making good decisions when I party. An ounce of alcohol makes me stupid. For maybe the first month of school, my drunken antics were cute, funny, acceptable. Then I kissed 3 guys in the same frat. Oops, not cute anymore.

Then there's the question of my semester-long fling with a senior. Ok, no matter what anyone tells you about age not mattering, a senior guy going for a freshman girl is more than a little questionable. He was funny, charismatic, and a great kisser. But he was totally wrong for me. We'd only hang out and hook up when we were drunk-- never a good thing. I made it my New Year's Resolution not to see him anymore. And then I drank and that all went out the window and I was walking to his apartment just off of Packard at 2:30 in the morning. Not smart, and I was pissed at myself the minute I sobered up. And he called last night and we hung out again. I was sobering up as he came over. We were making out when I reached a point where I was truly sober and I just looked at him and decided he should go. I walked him out of my dorm, went upstairs and sat up reading, angry at myself again.

I surround myself with crappy people when I drink, and all but like 5 of them are people I can only tolerate when drunk. And I know it. That's why I stayed in tonight. I can't deal anymore with surrounding myself with bad influences and the minute I come to my senses realizing I've made mistakes. I can't deal with being angry at myself.

And so I have grounded myself until I can trust myself to make good decisions again. I don't know when that will be. My parents aren't here to restrict me anymore, but I should be restricting myself, and I've finally recognized that.

This post was originally written by E3
University of Michigan · Undecided · 15 Jan 2007